My first fisting experience was by myself. I had no idea what I was doing. It wasn’t like I woke up and decided, today I will fist myself. I just thought that if I could take my boyfriend’s dick inside my vagina, then why not use my own hand? So I started with regular masturbation with one or two fingers, but that day, I don’t know why, I used all my fingers until eventually I had the best orgasm in my life. Since then I’ve just kept chasing that feeling.

The sad part of fisting is that you can’t do it properly by yourself. You need someone else, which is better anyway. I enjoy a whole arm inside my vagina for the same reason it’s good to have a tongue inside your mouth or inside your ear. It’s just pleasure. Everything in life is about seeking pleasure, and I just love feeling like my pussy is eating my boyfriend’s arm. That turns me on, but it’s also about power.

I feel empowered and fierce when my boyfriend is fisting me. That’s because I’m the one who asks for it. I am the one who controls the intensity. I am the one who gives the orders and sometimes I even slap his face while he is inside me. On the other hand, when we are in a regular fuck, he’s the one in control of the situation. I don’t know why, but that’s just how it works for us.

I guess for me, fisting is part of rediscovering my sexuality. I’m a middle-aged woman who works as a teacher and I lost my virginity to my first husband. Then, after his death, I thought my sexual life had been buried with him. But I’ve decided to be happy and to do whatever I want with my life, and mostly with my vagina. I think the reason people don’t talk openly about fisting is that they’re hypocrites and conservatives. Fisting is not a monster that needs to be hidden inside a dark bedroom. I would love to have this conversation with my sister or with my closest friends, but they would judge me for sure. They think sexuality is boring and can’t be creative. I feel kind of sorry for them.